Clearing Out The Clutter

This week’s project was to clear out the clutter in my room and create space for a peaceful environment for myself. To also go through all my clothes and give away what I don’t wear. I made some progress but I didn’t do as well as I wanted to do. I am very attached to my things- even the things I don’t use or wear. It’s also such a big job, that I didn’t finish it so I am going to break my one week rule and keep it going for another week. To create a nice, organized, non-cluttered room is a lot of work and it gets messy before it gets cleaner which is depressing! But I want to make it feel like it’s my safe space and I want to love it. And for the most part…I do. It’s typically always “neat” and has a good vibe that I like…but there are piles of paper I need to go through and tons of clothes I don’t wear and lots of things I don’t use anymore in boxes under my bed that just can be cleared out. And since I’m in the process of getting rid of all the toxic things in my life, I feel like it goes along with my theme perfectly. There is no big realization or something hugely inspiring to write about this project that has hit me quite yet. So, I’ll just leave it at that for now and wait till the end of my second week of this project to share my in depth thoughts about it.

Since this journey is about making the most out of every day and learning from it and writing about it, I will leave you with a few things I learned this week. I’m warning you that I’m very delirious in this moment as I am on very little sleep from a busy schedule, so they aren’t deep nor are they profound- but it’s all I have left in me for the night and I needed to get my writing every Monday goal in. 🙂

1. Don’t order takeout Thai food when you want to get things done at night. It only causes procrastination and sleepiness.

2. It’s easy to lose count of your drinks when you are in the company of amazing people…It’s distracting. Beware. 

3. Don’t wait to workout until the late evening…otherwise there will be no working out. Whatsoever. 

That’s all I got. Ha! Now onto my second week of clearing out the clutter! Onward! 

 

 

 

 

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It’s Enough!

My original goal for this blog was to focus on one inspiring project a week which would equal writing one weekly post reflecting on it. Well…all of a sudden last week has passed by and…umm…where the hell did all of my days go? So busy, so overwhelmed, so many emotions, fitting everything in, running around, trying to be at my best and then oh no – I forgot about my commitment to work on a weekly project and I started to feel like a failure during what should be an inspiring journey. I began downhill spiraling thinking… I missed this week and if someone asks me about it I won’t have anything I’m working on and I’ll seem lazy and that I don’t finish what I start and I’m irresponsible and I started this blog for no reason, it’s stupid, pointless… And well, you get my point- my mind raced on and on…until I caught myself and told myself to STOP that crap! Haha! And yes…I spoke that out loud to myself. 🙂 This may seem a bit of a dramatic reaction for such a small thing- but I’ve noticed the same type of thinking keeps repeating itself and is becoming “a thing” that I’m realizing I need to work on. I am the only one getting in my way when I think like that. Last week was one of the busiest, most challenging and exciting weeks of my life and just getting through it was a huge project in itself. It’s easy to get down on myself for not being enough or not doing enough. I’m learning that my standards I put on myself are MUCH more harsh than what I think other people’s standards of myself is. Why does this happen? At the end of the day, I am left with my mind and my body and I should be on my own side- for my benefit and happiness! Why am I my own worst enemy when I need to be my own cheerleader? That sounds so cheesy and cliche. But, it kinda rings true to me in this moment, so I’m going to run with it!! (After all, my life is a bit of a Hallmark movie…)

This all became very present today as I discovered today is the day I usually write and I felt like I had absolutely nothing to share. But when I got past all that nonsense, I realized there are some points in your life where just getting through a day, a week, a month, a year, or a few years is ENOUGH. It’s good- it’s more than good!

So, this past week’s project (even though I didn’t know it as it was happening) was to just get through the week! And it was enough. I did get through it. And I’m alive and well. I may have many more of those types of weeks- I know I will. And I will work on being okay with just getting through. This journey is my own and I’m creating it, so there’s no need to bully myself or create unrealistic standards when I will never be perfect no matter how hard I try. I will embrace being imperfect and just keep going and allowing it all to be enough. Onward. 

 

Time To Get Creatively Disciplined

For those of you just catching up with the blog, I have officially decided I’m putting myself up to weekly projects to focus on. There are so many things I want to add into my life. Such a long list of how to make life more full that it’s so easy to get overwhelmed and then end up not doing anything but sitting on the couch and eating potato chips. Which I have done many, many times before. The Salt and Pepper Krinkle cut ones. Oh boy. Yum! BUT if I break each goal into weekly projects, seeing how it feels to add those things to my life for that week, I’m hoping the ones that I really enjoy will stick because I at least will experience what it feels like to do them. I can do anything for a week, right?

This weeks project was about focusing on taking some time each day to work on something creative towards my career. I aimed for about an hour or more each day. Yes, what I do for a living is creative, but sometimes it’s hard to be disciplined all the time when you are at home in your own space. There are so many distractions. But, I want to grow in this area and make sure I’m getting better and doing the work that I am in control of.

I found that if I set an allotted amount of time aside during the day to be productive, I’ll do more and get more accomplished than if I just say, “I want to be more creatively disciplined in life,” and then I’ll spend a lot less time devoted to that because of how vague that goal is. Which has happened a lot in the past with me. It’s a lesson I have learned before but am re-learning.

The daily practice this week helped me stay focused and honestly made me happier during the day. I think it was because I was left with a feeling accomplishment. And looking back at the week, I feel more responsible and that my time was used wisely- which is a great feeling and not always common with me!

The question now is, I was able to do this for a week…but how do I add it into my life all the time now? I have some ideas, but I won’t answer this question just yet. I’m going to let myself go through these weeks and slowly discover that. Let everything process. But, that is the ultimate goal!

My favorite quote of all time that I like to remind myself of is from one of my favorite books by Rilke called Letters To A Young Poet. It kept playing in my head during this week’s project.

“Being an artist means: not numbering and counting, but ripening like a tree which doesn’t force it’s sap. Which stands confidently in the storms of spring unafraid summer may not come. It does come. But it only comes to those who are patient. Who are there as if eternity lay before them, so unconcernedly silent and vast. I learn it every day of my life, with pain I am grateful for. Patience is everything.”

Onward!

Each Day A Lesson Learned

To start off this journey, this past week I decided to write down a lesson I had learned at the end of each day. Before I went to bed at night (or lets be honest, the morning after on the really late nights…), I sat on my couch and took some quiet time to sit and reflect on what I had gotten out of the day. Since my search right now is to not let time pass without learning something from it and growing from it, it was really interesting to take the time to do this. Some nights, I did it begrudgingly. But, by the end of this week I naturally started thinking like this without feeling like it was an assignment. Here’s what I came up with:

Tuesday, April 1st (Day I launched my blog): Do something you are scared of and do it authentically. And be proud of yourself for doing it. 

April 2nd: Be there for others but take care of yourself first and foremost. Don’t give all of yourself away. 

April 3rd: As someone who spends a lot of time being alone and independent, don’t underestimate the loving power to ask the supportive and trustworthy people in your life to surround you at the times you need them the most. All it takes is to ask. Sometimes you can’t do it on your own. Stop being so stubborn. 

April 4th: Don’t count on others to confirm that you are being who you are supposed to be, doing what you are supposed to do, saying what you are supposed to say and feeling what you are supposed to feel. Just be it, do it, say it, feel it, trust yourself and be confident. Not everyone is going to be a fan of yours. That is totally okay. Keep being you. 

April 5th: Stay focused on myself, my goals, my growth, my responsibility and becoming whole. Do not backtrack. Keep moving forward and don’t get distracted. Find ways to help myself remember this each day. I’m not missing out on anything if I do this. I am only gaining. 

April 6th: Reach out and surround myself with people I know will love me, will support me, will validate me, will be excited for me, will not judge me and will celebrate me. And always, always do the same for them. 

April 7th: I realize today is April 7th, and I usually reflect on the day in the evening, but I didn’t sleep all night so I had a lot of thinking to do! Today’s lesson is to take better care of myself. Nurture my body and my mind in everything I do. Make wise choices with my health and fitness and always have some kind of knowledge coming in and always have something creative to work on. Live each day doing this. Ask myself every morning, “How can I do this a little better today?” This is very hard to do. And also hard to remember to do each day. I may fail, but I want to try and keep trying. 

It’s intriguing how similar these statements are- how they are all connected in some way. It’s really true that you learn something one day and need to relearn the same thing in a different way just days later. I guess it means we never stop learning. Or I just have a severe problem with getting things to stick! Ha! Can’t I just reflect on these things and then all of a sudden, I’m a master of them? I know, stupid question…totally kidding…but I’m kind of serious… 😉

I guess I now have to ask myself, “What are the underlying themes here?” “What does it all come down to?” “What can I learn from this past week?”

To sum it up for myself: I need to keep focused on myself and surround myself with the people who truly, genuinely care about me. I need to be confident in who I am and own that each day without being ashamed. Also, I need to not look for validation and just keep moving forward and doing my best. And take time each morning to ask myself, “How can I do this a little better today?”

Damn. That’s a lot. I’ll work on it! Now, I have to think of next week’s project…Onward!

This is me and I’m writing a blog!

A tiny warning before you proceed: I admit that I am not a perfect writer and I’m okay with that. I make grammar and punctuation mistakes all the time. I actually just spelled grammar wrong. It’s going well! Thank goodness for spell check. Haha! And I begin my sentences with “And” all the time. Oh, and I switch tenses sometimes without realizing it. Okay? Amazing. Here we go…

I’ll begin with a quote that inspired me to write this. If anyone knows me well, they know I am an intense lover of quotes. If I could speak in quotes all day, I would. I just got an image of Anne of Green Gables reading poetry in the woods. Just like that. (Hope at least one person has watched those beloved movies and gets that image.) But then people would find out that I’m even more nerdy than what I already appear to be. So, I at least pretend I’m semi-normal and stick to normal conversation. Sometimes. 😉

“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs, ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go do that. Because what the world needs are people who have come alive.” ~Harold Whitman

It’s time for a good change in my life. I could talk about many things right now. I could talk about experiencing some hard circumstances or feeling lost and all that kind of good stuff. But, instead I’m going to use this outlet to focus on what I need in my life to enrich it. The things I can change and work on for the better. The things I seek and the things I am going after in my life. The things that inspire me to keep going. And how I’m going to get there. I’ve realized that we are all broken and we are all going through tough times in our life. I used to think I was the only one who felt this way, but, now as I’m getting older I’m realizing more and more that we are all in this together and we all feel very similar feelings. And we have the ability to help inspire each other to get better through it. “Get one percent better every day.” Shout out to my amazing gym, Mark Fisher Fitness, for their awesome quote which has now become a mantra for me.  (Visit http://markfisherfitness.com/ to investigate the magic.)

I’ve been wanting to write something like this so I can put some good out in the world for my life hoping that it will hear me and come back to me in some way. Or just to help me think in a healthier way. It’s been quite a year for me and it’s easy to sit there and not want to get out of the stuck place. But, I’ve learned and I keep re-learning that no change happens when you stay stagnant. A phrase I made up years ago that I would tell myself is, “Don’t complain about it if it’s in your power to change it.” Do I complain? Hell yes. Do I change it? A lot of the time the answer is no. Ha! But that doesn’t mean I can’t get better. I can and I will keep trying and I’m hoping it will count towards something great.

I have lots of ideas for this journey I’m blogging about! To be honest, I don’t know exactly what I’ll be doing with this. But I told myself to write a blog following my journey to seek more wisdom and growth in my life and here I am doing it! I’m just going to roll with it and see what pops up. I’ve learned that sometimes it’s good to just take action, say yes, make a first step and figure it out as I go along! If anyone reads this, fantastic! I’m opening up my life and I’m ready to share with anyone who wants to follow it. And if no one reads it, superb! It’s really for me and to go on a journey to put pieces of me back together that I have lost over the years. I want to find something to learn out of each day so by the time I close my eyes at the end of the day, I can feel like it was full and meaningful. Life has so much to offer, I just need to open myself back up to seeing it and learning from it. Having an outlet for putting this out there keeps me accountable to keep seeking inspiration and that’s what I need right now on my journey.

I may write for a few weeks and say, “Screw this, I want to eat ice cream all day instead!” Mmm… That sounds absurdly tempting… I want some right now… Ahh! Tangent! Point is, I have to do something and start somewhere!!! I’ll start here and we’ll see what comes of it. If it’s not right for me, I’ll try something else. But I’m making a first step and I’ll see where it leads me.

So here I go… Cheers to whatever this is! I’m going to take action and open myself up to discovery and finding my path to seek more wisdom and growth in my life. Onward!